Iyanla Vanzant Insults Eboni K Williams and Black Women, Sets Her Up To Be Attacked Online
Iyanla Vanzant insults Eboni K Williams and black women, which then sets her (Eboni) up to be bullied and attacked online, by asking her a loaded question that was just plain absurd. First of all, Eboni was doing the interview Iyanla as her guest, for her own show on The Grio, to discuss how women could fix their crowns. It was not an interview about dating. When she posed a question to Iyanla, Iyanla responded with a question right back. What kind of interview shenanigans was Iyanla even playing? She was already starting off on the wrong foot.
Eboni K. Williams is an American lawyer, author, and television host. She hosts the nightly news show, “The Grio with Eboni K. Williams.” Also, she hosts and is Executive Producer of the NAACP Image Award nominated podcast “Holding Court with Eboni K. Williams.”
Iyanla Vanzant set Eboni K Williams up and Eboni took the bait. Can’t blame Eboni. She didn’t see it coming, nor would she have expected that behavior from someone like Iyanla. Iyanla is someone who has devoted her life to helping others fix their lives, or so we’re led to believe.
Be Ye Not Equally Yoked
Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?
2 Corinthians 6:14
Above all, if Eboni is a believer, she should be with a believer. If she isn’t, there’s no telling what she’ll end up with.
Iyanla Insults Eboni K Williams
Iyanla asked a very educated inquisitive woman about her dating preference with a man based only on a job. Would you date a bus driver? That’s an insult. Eboni probably should’ve fired back with another question and put the ball back in Iyanla’s court, but she wasn’t into playing those negging games.
Lawyers don’t generally date bus drivers. It’s not likely a lawyer would even run into a bus driver. Why didn’t Iynala ask Eboni if she would date a judge or mayor?
She may have well asked her if she’d date a drug addict. What’s the difference? Neither are on Eboni’s level. It’s just a matter of how much Iyanla wanted to embarrass Eboni. Anything below a lawyer’s level would’ve been an insult and Iyanla knew that. Maybe Iyanla was projecting. I would have to research her dating history to find out. This writing is about her interaction with Eboni during this interview.
The Setup
Eboni (@ebonikwilliams) is shown in an exclusive one-on-one interview with TV personality and life coach Dr. Iyanla Vanzant (@iyanlavanzant) as they explore masculine vs. feminine energy and how to straighten our crowns. The entire interview was about 23 minutes.
Iyanla was on the show to tout her rites of passage program for black women to learn our authentic power. She wants black women to learn to distinguish the difference between a powerful woman and a woman in her power. This is at the 8-minute mark, and so far, I’m kind of leaning in. I’m watching the interview from the beginning as I write this piece. I have only previously watched the short clip that went viral.
At the 12:09 mark, Iyanla asks Eboni if she would date a bus driver. The proceeding question from Eboni was “How do women need to… position ourselves so that we can be in our divinity, so we can have our crowns right, and how we can create and not build? When some of us quite frankly feel that the men that are available to us, they’re not earning the incomes. They’re not having the resources And some of them are not even showing up in the leadership role.”
So Eboni, in keeping with the topic of the interview, asks what do black women need to do as it relates to our divinity and also how do we navigate the dating world as single women when the dating pool is devoid of worthy black men.
Iyanla leans in intently and responds coyly “Would you date a bus driver?”
Eboni blinks and stares and does not respond. I don’t think she took the question seriously nor did it have anything to do with what she just asked Iyanla about. This question came out of nowhere and Eboni had no idea where this question was leading to.
Iyanla prods her “You. Would you date a bus driver?”
She’s pretty relentless in getting Eboni to provide an answer to this question.
Eboni responds in a cocky but classy manner, “If he owns the bus. If he owns it. If he owns the bus.”
Iynala fires back “No. That’s a problem”, as if this were a quiz and Eboni answered wrong. Eboni answered the question based on her personal preferences and Iyanla objected to her preferences based on nothing because she didn’t tell her why her answer was wrong from her personal point of view because Iyanla can’t speak for Eboni and her desires and preferences. Iyanla generalized dating preferences based on a specific woman versus all black men.
This woman has been places and done things that most black men never will. She has met and hung out with accomplished and educated men. She has been in rooms and brushed elbows with the elite and Iyanla wants to bring her down to the level of someone driving a bus around on the city streets.
Frankly speaking, for all the men Iyanla chose to cape for, not one of them said they would even date her. They don’t see her as their choice when it comes to dating preferences. When posed the question about them dating her, they declined with the age excuse. They would come up with another excuse if Iyanla was in her early 20s. I bet you they would. This is why pick-me behavior is dumb and doesn’t work. It’s never reciprocated.
This just proves that men won’t lower their standards for women, so why force women to do so? It’s most likely projection, but why would Iyanla do that to her fellow sister, in a mentorship role? Her agenda was made clear to me at that moment.
Iyanla goes on about how the standards and criteria that we use to measure men is off for who we are as women and who they are in this society. She says she would date a bus driver given her own criteria:
- If he loved driving the bus
- If he was a man of integrity
- If he was good to his mama
- If he treated me well
She goes on to follow up with “We think it’s another human being’s responsibility to give us what we need instead of us building together. She says she could build with a bus driver and then jokingly says she’d have her stash protected by a prenup but she could still build with him”.
Newsflash! She’s telling you bus drivers that you don’t make enough money and she knows she’s the breadwinner and you’re not touching the money she brings to the table. She’s saying you could both build together, but she’ll either match you or provide less than you put in. She won’t put in more than you. She knows her value and net worth and she also knows yours. So you can drive a bus but you have to love doing it and treat her well, and you won’t benefit from her financially. I guess she’s willing to downgrade her lifestyle for you though. This sounds so ridiculous as I type it. Not even Iyanla believes this nonsense.
Iyanla tried to play up this “bus driver” but she didn’t take into account that this person could be a serial abuser and cheater because he feels inadequate for not being a real success in the world. She didn’t take into account that he could manipulate and demean Eboni because she’s the breadwinner and he feels emasculated for the entirety of their relationship.
Eboni listened and nodded as the interview continued but I think she checked out after Iyanla did not answer her question, and blatantly went in another whole direction to put her down and slam her standards. Iyanla ‘s message is that Eboni’s thinking wasn’t wrong, but obsolete. In other words, Iyanla wants black women to lower their standards and stop refusing men who show up. Huh? We’re supposed to accept a man just for showing up? They’ll always show up. Black men will break their necks to show up and we can’t them off with a stick. Who cares if they show up? We’re probably better off with them not showing up at this point.
Iyanla is happy with a man who at least has a job and black women should be grateful to get them and should put forth the effort to build with them. I can’t stop shaking my head as I type this. The interview is only halfway over. Most people stopped here and so will I.
Mixed Signals
One male user wrote “I’m a bus driver and I probably make more money than most of the women who say they wouldn’t date us. A lot of bus drivers in the DMV area make over six figures easyyy so yall tripping”.
He missed the point and focused on the job. Iyanla mentioned an occupation, but then went on to describe the attributes said driver could possess. She confused me because I thought she was making a point based on occupation. Nope. Plot twist. She had to dress him up with virtuosity. That works both ways because hecould be great in those areas and still not follow God or be foolish or evil. Gotcha, Iyanla.
For this person to say a driver may make a lot of money, he doesn’t understand that it’s not about money. Eboni makes great money. Prior to going on TV, she was an attorney. Where is she going to take him, in terms of events and rooms within her social circle? I don’t know her or what her life is like now but in order to advance your career as an attorney, there’s a lot of socializing, engaging with partners at other firms, galas, etc. What is he going to do at these events? Or with her friends that are all also attorneys?
Someone said:
My friend who is a scientist got dumped by a truck driver. They are both homeowners and they both have great salaries. He said he doesn’t like the events she goes to for work. He also said he doesn’t like her friends from college. He told her that the people she is around are arrogant and they think they know everything.”
Eboni rejected an occupation in lieu of a profession. Bravo. She scaled the bus driver up to the level of the owner because that’s something that she could aspire to be with. He could still drive buses if he loved it, as well as possess ownership at the same time. He goes from working a job to building assets.
What if:
“I have a relative who obtained a Bachelors and Masters degree. She married a mechanic and they had children. He appeared to be an obese bum and when he passed, he left her nothing but debt. The children ended up being obese bums too that didn’t obtain a college degree.”
A female user replied “She’s not putting the bus driver down. A job is a job…However she’s a 40 year old TV personality & attorney. That’s just not the type of man that fits her lifestyle I’m assuming.”
Eboni K Williams Didn’t Insult Bus Drivers
Iyanla made a point and so did Eboni. Their points couldn’t have been further from each other. Eboni asked her question, based on understanding and education, to Iyanla, who has her own set of stellar credentials and life experiences. For some reason, Iyanla didn’t answer the question from any of those vantage points and chose to ignore the question, and even attempted to throw Eboni off. If Iyanla really wanted to know what Eboni’s personal dating preferences were, she could’ve asked her the question in a new conversational topic or privately. The present topic was general in nature and pertained to women and men, modern women, and femininity.
I don’t know what happened before Iyanla appeared on the show. I don’t know if she intended to set her up and put her on the spot. I don’t know if she had a problem with Eboni personally based off of her public persona. I don’t know if she took issue with Eboni’s skin tone, hair, or body frame. I don’t know if she thinks Eboni has too much fame for a former tv reality housewife. I don’t know if she’s projecting because she herself went into the law field but had to struggle through it with kids and an abusive relationship, and Eboni has no kids and seemingly a soft life. I don’t know Iyanla’s energy coming into the interview but I did notice it wasn’t as pleasant as the smile she seemed to gleam at the cameras during filming. Iyanla was very nice nasty. There, I said it.
This is coming from someone who supported her show “Fix My Life” over the years and learned many things therapy couldn’t teach me. I was saddened by the lack of support Iyanla showed to her fellow Virgo sister. Here was a chance to help the next generation and black women as a whole in America who suffer from dating woes specifically related to the initial question. Iyanla didn’t only deprive Eboni of help, she deprived an entire nation of young black sisters. Shame on you, Iyanla.
The Conversation Has Been Opened
Are black women not allowed to have standards? Why should Eboni settle for a bus driver? How is a bus driver beneath Eboni? Williams is a graduate of the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill and the Loyola University New Orleans College of Law. The average bus driver doesn’t have those credentials. A bus driver only needs to possess a driver’s license. Requirements may differ depending on which company or sector you drive a bus for, but I couldn’t even find educational requirements. In other words, a high school dropout could drive a bus if he/she was at least 19 or 21.
Eboni admitted to not ever having had a male energy who provided or protected her in the beginning of the interview. She didn’t say she hadn’t ever had a male show up for her. She said they never showed up in a masculine way of being a protector or provider and even included her father. She agreed with Iyanla that women are being trained to be men in skirts. They appeared to be on the same page and reasonably agreeable.
If you were a father who put his daughter through school and helped her focus on her education and career instead of starting a family early, would you want your daughter to date a bus driver? A resounding no. A father who raised that type of daughter would have wanted her to be independent and not rely on anyone, men in specific. He would have raised her to fend for herself and provide herself with every necessity life required. A father loves and cherishes his daughters and wants the best for them.
A father who did his job and raised a lawyer would only want to hand her off to a man who could finish the job he started and a bus driver is not picking up and finishing what an already accomplished lawyer/host/author etc has begun. It’s not about money. Anyone can attain money legally or otherwise. It’s about credentials. They are not equally yoked in that way.
Iyanla wants black men to be happy at the expense of black women. She wants to manipulate us into situations and relationships we don’t want to be in. But why tho, Iynala? What have we done to you?
Why should we build with our men when other ethnicities come with the man already established? Those others attain education and rise up the ranks to a profession. Iyanla wants black women to settle for uneducated dropouts with no job history or skills, or even worse, with a felony record. Eboni said she’ll be 40. Iyanla is expecting a seasoned accomplished woman to accept mediocrity. If a man has lived 40 years and hasn’t attained anything, that’s on him and no established woman should show up and straighten out his life.
What woman would want to marry down? What does Iyanla get out of shaming black women into settling? I doubt Iyanla would’ve told a white or Asian woman to date a bus driver if he loved his mama, I guess Iyanla believes a piece of a man is better than no man. Who died and left Iyanla in charge of who black women should date?
Eboni K Williama was on the Real Housewives Of NY. The white women on that show married rich men, so why not Eboni? Those are her peers, not bus drivers. If it’s good enough for those women to marry rich, it’s even better that Eboni do so. To be fair most of those women were stay-at-home moms and devoid of beauty. Eboni is learned and a bit famous with her looks intact. If life were fair, she’d marry men better than what the other white housewives married. Sorry, not sorry.
Iyanla Vanzant and Her Low Expectations For Black Women
People just really do not have high hopes and great expectations for Black women. I will never forget Oprah saying her grandmother’s biggest dream for her was that she one day grow up to work for some “good” white folks; and Oprah, in the 90s, said she wished her grandmother had lived to see what she had accomplished, because she now has good white folks working for her.”
When it comes to Black women’s dating and marital prospects, a lot of people are similar, in that they just want Black women to have a man, any man, even if its a piece of a man, a triflin man, a dysfunctional man, a toxic man, a broke man, etc. People will justify telling a Black woman to give chances to formerly incarcerated men, bisexual men, effectively homeless men, etc. No one is invested in Black women being protected or provided for…more people are invested in Black males being protected and provided for, and are fully invested in Black women taking on the roles of protectors and providers of Black males. We’re on our own, sistas.
Eboni’s Response Or Should I Say Defense
Eboni had to go on an explanation tour because of Iyanla. The initial interview was taken out of context and exploited to emphasize her preferences. Why can’t she like what she likes? If Eboni wants a man that is part of her same socio-economic background and makes good money, then she is well within her right to do so. Let us not forget that women who make significantly more than their husbands end up doing the majority of the domestic workload while contributing more financially.
Eboni K WIlliams went on The Breakfast Club a week after the interview with Iyanla Vanzant. She talked for over 40 minutes to explain her preference and mainly got attacked by 4 people on the show that morning who failed to understand her points. DJ Envy was in full-attack mode against Eboni. I doubt if he listened to anything Eboni said before dog-piling on her. He didn’t watch the full initial interview but read the comments from other people and took their stances, plus probably people in his circle, His talking points were only specific people, that he is personally related to or has a personal relationship with, who were blue-collar workers who gained specific successes based on specific decisions they made to invest their money or collect assets. He derailed the conversation worse than Iyanla did.
Iyanla didn’t mention any of that in her probe. She didn’t say anything about financial independence. Envy was so off-base. His point was futile and not needed. Again, Eboni didn’t insult bus drivers or blue-collar workers. Envy’s hostility was misdirected and probably a bit of projecting in there too because a DJ is a job and not a degreed profession. All he had to do was learn to play records, not take several years of schooling and pass several difficult exams.
DJ Envy said in the beginning of the interview that he didn’t want to misconstrue and went on to misconstrue everything by attacking her while trying to defend the bus drivers of the world. He is not on her level intellectually and it showed in his responses. He didn’t understand a lick of what Eboni was saying. He probably never intended to try to understand. He was probably incapable of understanding her talking points. His agenda was to attack her and take her down a notch or two, as Iynala attempted to do, but it backfired. I don’t care what university degree he owns, how much money he’s made, or what rooms he’s been in. He’s utterly simple to me. He’s obviously learned nothing from his life experiences or college studies.
Eboni said her point was about skillsets and ownership. She went on to say that there was nothing wrong with driving a bus if that’s the maximum of your skillset. She wants people to maximize their skill sets with education, training, and experience to better their lives. She’s against black males accepting mediocrity and wants them to do better. I could say a lot of black males being leaders and such but it would be a waste of my time because they don’t see the need and are very comfortable being at the bottom of the totem pole. I’m speaking in general terms. The exceptions that exist are not mighty in numbers or power.
I’m sure Eboni has more important topics to discuss on her news show than relationships, yet here she is: Eboni K William Responds To Backlash From Comments
Iyanla rode the wave and responded with her own video titled “Would You Date A Bus Driver?” to extend her newly found 15 minutes of fame and gain a little clout while making a bag. I didn’t research or confirm, but it’s being said that Inyanla has 3 failed marriages. She is also being accused of chasing after a married man.
